A friend of Misty's shared with us a "foolproof" way of determining our unborn child's gender yesterday. Before I even heard this latest method of womb wizardry, I was, of course, dubious. A "foolproof" test only means that not even a fool can mess it up. But that's not the problem, is it? Misty and I are not fools. It's not our performance in the test I'm worried about — it's the performance of the test itself.

Nevertheless, the woman who shared this wisdom with us says that of the 19 grandchildren in her family, it has worked on all of them. Friends of hers have tried it, and it's always worked, she insists.

Supposedly, all you have to do is fill a cup about halfway with Draino and urinate into the cup. If the mixture turns brown, your baby will be a girl; if it turns greenish or bluish, the baby will be a boy. Misty tried it, and announced that we'll be having a girl.

This revelation, however, contradicted the test we'd done a few weeks ago, handed down by Misty's mother. We hung a key from a thread over Misty's belly, and because it spun instead of swinging from side to side, that meant we were to have a boy.

Anyway, when I looked at the mixture in the cup, I couldn't determine any color. In fact, all I could see was a bunch of foam. When the foam finally dissipated, it didn't seem to have any color at all — it was just clear. Maybe using Wal-Mart's brand of drain cleaner instead of the official Draino brand affected the results. I didn't bother telling Misty. She was happy with her "answer."